Hey hey people happy new year. Sorry it has been a few days since I last blogged but it takes time trying to make broken promises to my self for the new year ha ha!

You know the ones I’m talking about peeps. Well hopefully this year will be better for all, I mean if the food prices and ESB and Gas goes down a little bit we should get through this year lets see if the government would like to help the situation????

I hope everyone is enjoying the snow I know all the kids of Ireland are but it wasn’t that fun for me when I was having a snow ball fight with my kids and I fell straight on my back, they ploughed me out of it with snow balls up my jacket, in my hair and all over my face but hey what can you do only laugh?! Well that’s all for now xxx

The time for peace, love and patience among siblings is officially over!  

 There were a couple of bickering incidences that needed time out yesterday but looking back on it there was a few factors leading up to it:  lack of sleep due to a sleep over; too much gaming on consoles, no natural light or air in the room; pigging out on last of the Christmas goodies and late nights settling for bed for the little one.

Out you go the pair of ya I said as it was such a good day to be outside in the fresh winter air.  This seemed to have done the job, blowing off steam, although the little one came back in soaked to the skin and crying as the older one “pelted” him with snow balls!  No end ey!  

There are days when I want to throw the towel in believe me, especially as I am taking the brunt of the parenting, but I forget those days when the good days come along. 

Thank God for unconditional love.

Grainne

Hi All,

 Paula here again.

I just managed to take in the shock statement by Mary Hanafin yesterday regarding pulling back the OPFP when the child is 13years of age.

Notwithstanding my first blog on the 27th, which gave a flavour of my own story and my appreciation for being able to avail of this payment for the first time in the life of my now 18 year-old who is in 3rd level education, I really think that this continuing suggestion by Government is an absolute misdirected attack, not simply financially but morally, on lone parents.

She should have stopped to pause on her first actual counter-reason for the suggestion, that is children of Lone Parents are four times likely to live in poverty than any other family circumstances.  Does she think that men and women simply decide one day, without any justification, to raise children independently?  If she does, I suggest she is taken in hand and schooled by her more educated colleagues on the many routes to finding yourself raising children on your own….I can assure Ms. Hanafin that in the majority of cases the justifications are quite troublesome. She and Government should have looked to the poverty issue first and foremost before ever letting her make this and the next two judgements…

The second of which I believe related to lone parents participation in the workforce, in a statement which she in bad faith pits lone parents against lone parents and I quote her from the Irish Times “It’s not for the want of actually financially supporting people,” she said, adding that there were financial incentives to cover childcare and other costs to encourage people into the workforce. “But as a long-term policy it’s just not working for the interests of the child.”  Ms Hanafin stressed that the vast majority of lone parents were working and not in receipt of social welfare payments. “The lone parents who are working away, who are not on social welfare, they’re the ones who really resent the talk about lone parents on welfare and the dependency that some people have. They just get on with their lives.”

Am I losing my memory or have childcare incentives either been cut dramatically or lost entirely over the last 2 years?  And what does she mean by the policy not working for the interests of the child?  Is she saying that it’s best for the child not to have any stability at home by the presence of a parent because it’s best that the parent is contributing to the economy and bringing home the bacon?  Ask the many communities that are suffering from antisocial activity, the Justice Programmes and Youth Organisations etc., just how much they’ve had to compensate over the last 10-15 years for the lack of parental supervision because the only parent is out trying to make ends meet!  This is by no means to cast aspersions on the children of lone parents, as children of traditional households are also losing out in the same way as couples are forced into the economy to make ends meet also.

On the 3rd and last of Ms Hanafin’s reasons for making the suggestion to pull back the payment, I take absolutely greatest offence.  It is an abomination that she should put forward a very clear MORAL attack on the unfortunate situation of a lone parent, who for many reasons is alone and not often by choice as he/she may still be affected in many ways that we will never comprehend by his/her situation of being ‘left alone’ either through youth pregnancy, divorce, widowed, whatever, and to use lone parents and the only financial stability that they have, particularly in this climate, is an absolute disgrace and she should be ashamed for having said that “This payment’ of all things, and I quote again from the Irish Times “…just mitigates against that lone parent herself having a stable relationship or marrying.”

Who let this woman loose with that perspective?  Have they all gone mad?  The decision of a lone parent to enter or not into a relationship, I can assure you may cloud the issue for the person initially but fundamentally it has very little in the end to do with this life saving payment for people raising children on their own.  The Minister should never again speak of marriage and any relation to this very plain fact again.  

I can only guess that this attack, which is a very moral and inappropriate one, is misplaced as we all have heard the plight, quite separately, from  single individuals who are not lone parents and the actual majority in this country, who enter in partnerships and marriages and find that they are less off because of the tax and other government issues related to the married couple in Ireland.   But let’s be very clear.  The issue of a life saving one parent family payment to care for the adult and the child (children) living on the margins is a very separate and independent issue to the plight of married couples looking for greater incentives, or in the least the abolition of current penalties that they experience having already gotten married.  These are very different issues, let’s keep them that way.

Lastly, no-one can know what difficulties lay around the corner when you head up a lone parent household, and children are staying at home longer and without clearer prospects than ever before in Ireland.  Raising this suggestion again at this time, or at any time in my view, is poor judgement once again. And I urge other Lone Parents to speak out against this Moral Attack by Mary Hanafin in particular on all Lone Parents (on the payment or not).  Disgraceful!
Paula

Cutting lone parent allowance….

…so the reports in the papers and on radio say, or phasing out the allowance when the youngest child reaches 13 years old and which also reports that UK are thinking of phasing out when the child is 7. 

There is absolutely no incentive for lone parents to work nowadays whether it be part time or full time. Unless you have the support of a family member or friends, you have to depend on full/part time creche which can set you back 450 – 1000 euro per month; in my case it was 820 per month.

Thankfully both my children are in primary and secondary school now.  I work part time and I do not receive lone parents allowance and I am slightly above the threshold to receive back to school clothing and footwear allowance each year. I know how costly uniforms, books, voluntary contributions, sundries are at September time which I paid for this year with my overdraft facility.  So the thoughts of cutting it at 13 doesn’t bear thinking about. 

I hear that the Minister has met with lone parent organisations, but has she listened?  I am not sure about that.

Grainne

Hi All,

Paula here again.

Well this year is almost over and a new one to begin in just 28 hours from now.  I like to stay at home new years eve so it never bothers me if I don’t have arrangements or the funds to party elsewhere.  But I am reminded particularly of 2 young and very dedicated mums (one 17 and one  22, just yesterday) who are full of life and I’m sure they would love to party out on the town tomorrow evening but just won’t get the opportunity, because of lack of money, babysitters etc, to do so. 

Early Motherhood certainly does put a stop to our gallops, one of the biggest realisations when you have children on your own.  And as more mature onlookers, we so easily forget that it is as important for these 2 young women to get out and socialise when possible and of course in balance with the means and responsibilities! 

 But my Mam, who has had a rake of us, will also say that God restores the years that the locust has eaten…

So my little message to anyone out there wishing they were somewhere else partying tomorrow eve, your time will come back around.  For now, just enjoy to love and time with family at home.
xPaula

Anybody notice Santy got around this year easier with his light weight sleigh?

Not much cash to pay for all the things because of no bonus but kids happy enough without one or two bits, what can ya do?

Everything else doing fine for now.

Hope everyone had a good day with the kids. Ho ho no snow this year but could have done with some.

I’ll talk to yas all soon  

Yours truly Deirdre xxxx happy christmas to all

Havin’ just checked my bank balance I  think the washing machine situation has to definitely wait till new year. 

God be with the days when you could purchase a washing machine in one of the ESB shops and they spread the payments in your bills.  That would be an ideal situation for me right now as you can never budget for these things. 

That €384.00 I am losing in the child benefit next year could have paid for the washing machine with a bit of change left over right? 

I am very aware about economising especially when it comes to unnecessary cleaning of undirty clothing – and you know teenagers these days change their clothes willy nilly don’t they, so for the time being, it will be ensuring that unless clothes have been dragged through the muck, have fallen down sewers, have ketchup or gravy spilled down the front, then they go back into the wardrobe to be worn again!

Grainne

I am so glad that Christmas is over…..

It found it so hard this year with not having my CE anymore and no Christmas bonus.

You feel terrible if you don’t buy someone a present so you’re trying to stretch your money as far as you can, not to leave anyone out.

I can only imagine how hard next year will be for people with all these cuts?

The funny thing is that they are cutting social welfare to force people to get a job, but there are no jobs out there.  I couldn’t even get a few hours work in Burger King to get me over the xmas.  I think it’s unfair that the cuts were made because there are people out there who want to work but can’t find a job.

Vera

Hi All,
Paula here.
I hope you are all having a loving and peaceful christmas so far.  I know this time of year can be both joyful and sad for people depending on their life’s journey so far.  We may be remembering friends and loved ones who have left us or are just too far away to share a laugh and a meal with.  Just last week I lost a very good friend to cancer, she braved it out for almost 2 years and she was a terrific fighter.
At the moment I have no job for this first time in my life, I have returned to point zero again at the age of 40+ returning to college to retrain (a good thing), have no money whatsoever (a bad thing), and as Cilla would say I have a ‘lotta lotta’ debt on my shoulders as a result of just trying to live the last 2 years with low levels of self-employment (because the market I worked in dried up) and I acquired an injury that left me partially unable to work anyway, which meant that with no-one else to rely on in my household any savings I had just disappeared trying to live week by week.
This last year in particular was hard, trying to grapple with the social welfare system that took nearly 8 months to recognise my entitlement to any payment coming out of a self-employment situation. A nightmare that I wouldn’t wish on anyone!  And I am now the recipient of the One Parent Family Payment for the first time in my life, my only child is also in fulltime 3rd level education and as long as she remains so I can at least breathe and retrain myself for a spell. 

 Thank God we didn’t give into proposals over the last number of years to get rid of this payment after the child reaches the age of 8 years – as no-one but a lone financially independent parent knows what its like to be left without an income of some sort when you have other mouths to feed and a roof to provide.  When you are on your own, with children, there’s always going to be this threat until the children have left the nest and are able to build their own lives.
But all of these things just seem to pale into insignificance for me now at this time because it’s about looking ahead. I am a resourceful and skilled individual and I know I will be back out there again working at my full capacity please god.  And I have to say that I have a loving and supportive family who understand what it’s like to live day-to-day at some stage in their own lives and they have been very understanding and thankfully lessen the ever-looming gloom simply by their presence in my life.

I think ‘09 was a bad year for many people from all walks and classes, and my wish is that next year is a better one for everyone all round.
x Paula.

Well tis Christmas number 2 as a lone parent.  This Christmas is a bit more structured than last year in terms of sharing days with their dad.  The kids are happy first and foremost, and I am happy with that.  We had Christmas eve dinner (the whole kit and kaboodle) and the kids enjoyed that, they got to open some pressies from their aunts and uncles.  It has been a tough year present wise as there was only a small contribution from the dad,  but I have gotten the kids pressies I know they’d be happy with and that was evident in their faces this morning.  Unfortunately though as the household income has terrifyingly shrunk this year, only dads/grandparents, godmothers/fathers/ and godkids got their pressies, but there had to be compromises right?

Okay it’s time for me to clean up the sitting room, mostly recycling from all the pressie packaging – and my is there a lot of packaging.  Today I will have dinner without the children but it will be a time for reflection around this.  In a few days i will think about the new year and the fact that the washing machine needs repair, but for now lets just enjoy this day!

Grainne